The secret to lasting love might just be knowing how to fight
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If you love someone, learn how to fight with them.
Counterintuitive though it may seem, that's the advice of world-renowned relationship researchers and clinical psychologists Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman.
"Conflict really has a purpose," says John Gottman, "and the purpose is mutual understanding."
In the 40 years they've dedicated to the study and practice of fostering healthy, long-lasting relationships, the Gottmans have found that the happiest and most successful couples don't avoid conflict, fear or anger – they just know how to fight fairly and productively.
The Gottmans' new book, published in January, Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection, is a guide to doing just that. It aims to teach couples "how to have conflicts that don't push them apart but instead produce connection and compassion for one another," says Julie Schwartz Gottman.
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Pulling from decades of relationship research and thousands of hours of interviews and therapy sessions with couples, the Gottmans identify some of the most common fights — and offer research-backed solutions for coming out the
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