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Any darkening of the mind, disturbance therein, instigation to the lowest or earthly things; together with every disquietude and agitation, or temptation, which moves to distrust concerning salvation, and expels hope and charity; whence the soul feels that she is saddened, grows lukewarm, becomes torpid, and almost despairs of the mercy of God.

This is how Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuit order of priests, described “spiritual desolation” in 1548. He was referring to the feeling of emptiness that people tend to feel after the initial euphoria of a religious conversion. After the flush of new faith, which he calls “consolation,” life’s troubles return, people feel they have made a mistake, and they may fall away.

This desolation is not merely a religious phenomenon. It describes much of our experience when something new and beautiful sparks joy and enthusiasm but later becomes tedious and tiresome. Marriages, for example, notoriously suffer from the so-called seven-year itch, when passion gives way to boredom and conflict. Similarly, new jobs are exciting and interesting for a while but then become a grind or an oppression.

Listen: How to live when you’re in pain

One might easily conclude that the natural and appropriate course of action is to make a change at the point of desolation—to dissolve the relationship;