Dear Roe,
I’m 29 and have been seeing someone for nearly a year. He’s a creative who’s been struggling to make rent and keep his mental health steady. When we met, I was drawn to how gentle he was, how romantic, how present he could be. I love how passionate he is about his work, and me. But he’s also very flaky and inconsistent. He disappears for days when he’s “not in a good headspace”, then texts long, apologetic paragraphs about how much he misses me and how he wants to be better. I know that he always means it.
But meaning it doesn’t change that I’m usually the one checking in, making plans, being bailed on, giving him emotional support. A few weeks ago, I had a big event on that was a real achievement for me and he said he’d come, but an hour before, he texted that he was “too tired to be around people”. He said he felt ashamed for letting me down, that he’d make it up to me. (I don’t know how he could, but he hasn’t made any big attempt or gestures since.) The next day we met up and he ended up crying about how he wishes he could “get it together”.
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