Dear Therapist,
For 20 years, I have made an effort to reach out to two close friends from high school. I’ve texted to make plans whenever I’ve visited our hometown (none of us lives in the same place). I’ve sent Christmas cards. Our families all know one another. Sometimes I’ve visited my friends’ parents when I’ve passed their houses while walking my parents’ dog. Everyone’s life moves on, but I caught up with my friends when I could. These were old friends, people I could fall back into sync with even after years because of our shared history. Or so I thought.
Last year I found out that one friend I’ll call Jess was getting married when I saw the wedding invitation on the coffee table at my other friend’s house. The invited friend (I’ll call her Jane) told me the wedding was very small. I felt left out, of course, but I let it go.
Jane got engaged a few months later. The wedding is in four months, but I haven’t been invited. I invited both Jess and Jane to my own wedding five years ago. Neither one came, and at the time I didn’t think anything of it. People are busy, and they would have had to travel.
Now it seems to me that these women who I thought were my friends—close friends!—just weren’t that interested in my wedding, or
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