It wasn’t quite what we were expecting. Gathered at the graveside after a cathartic funeral service, all eyes were on the officiating priest as he turned to my cousin: “A wonderful eulogy ... Definitely in my top 10. Towards the top of it actually.”

Everyone managed a smile – and even a grateful laugh to relieve the tension. The eulogy for his grandfather had indeed been perfectly judged, written and delivered with feeling and aplomb.

But this “feedback” also let us in on something quite separate from the family occasion. The vicar’s candid appraisal meant we were confronted by his existence as a professional – the expert in public speak

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