anna martin

Hey, everyone. It’s Anna. Look, Thanksgiving is coming up already. I can hardly believe it. You can hardly believe it. But it’s around the corner. And for a lot of people, Thanksgiving means seeing your family, which can be wonderful. But it can also be tricky. So if you’re going to see your family this holiday season, we want to help. Is there anything you could use some advice on? Like, for example, is there always a fight that comes up, and you want to avoid it this year? Or maybe someone’s passed away, and it’s going to be tough without them. And you’d like tips on how to navigate that. Or maybe you’re bringing home a new partner, and you’re afraid it’s going to be awkward. If you’re looking for advice on any of these questions or other questions about dealing with your family, send us a voice memo explaining your situation and asking your question. You can send it to [email protected]. That’s [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you.

archived recording 1 Love now and always. archived recording 2 Did you fall in love last night? archived recording 3 Just tell her I love her. archived recording 4 Love is stronger than anything you can feel. archived recording 5 [SIGHS]: For the love. archived recording 6 Love. archived recording 7 And I love you more than anything. archived recording 8 (SINGING) What is love? archived recording 9 Here’s to love. archived recording 10 Love. [MUSIC PLAYING]

anna martin

From “The New York Times,” I’m Anna Martin. This is “Modern Love.” Today I’m talking to Malala Yousafzai. Malala became a feminist and political icon at 15 years old, after a member of the Taliban tried to assassinate her while she was riding the school bus. She was targeted for saying that girls should have the right to go to school. At 16, she wrote a memoir about the experience. And at 17, she became the youngest person to ever win the Nobel Peace Prize. For years, the world has known her as this extraordinary young activist. But now she has a new memoir out. It’s called “Finding My Way.” And in it, she talks about learning to do ordinary things — make friends, find her personal style, study for exams, go to parties, even fall in love. Malala, welcome to “Modern Love.”

malala yousafzai

Thank you.

anna martin

We are so happy that you’re in the studio with us. Congratulations on your new memoir, “Finding My Way.”

malala yousafzai

Thank you so much. I’m so excited.

anna martin

You are now a double memoirist.

malala yousafzai

Yes.

anna martin

Will you make it a third, a triple memoir in a couple of years? Or is this enough for you?

malala yousafzai

Oh, I just want to focus on this one for now.

anna martin

That makes sense. How many memoirs can one person write? Do you think there’s a limit?

malala yousafzai

I think people know when it’s time to write one. I actually waited for this one. I was asked by so many people, why don’t you write another book? And I was like, about what? Like, who wants to write if there’s nothing meaningful? But the timing of “Finding My Way,” my new memoir, just felt right. And I knew there was something to share that is meaningful to people.

anna martin

Tell me more about how you knew the moment was right to begin writing. I love that you waited, even though people were clamoring, it sounds like. How did you know the time was right?

malala yousafzai

I was reflecting on how I had become a young woman. I was known in the public eye as a girl who was shot by the Taliban at age 15. And I was still meeting people who would see me as that girl. And I wanted to reintroduce myself beyond those titles, beyond those headlines. And I wanted to show that, now, I have experienced much more. I had this incredible time at college. I made incredible friends. I had my first love. I am married. I have been going through other challenges and difficulties, from mental health to even coming to a decision about marriage itself. But this is all a part of me. And activism is, of course, the mission of my life. But I’m more than that as well. And I wanted to share the personal story. So these are the true reflections of me.

anna martin

This is, I think, very important. And part of the reason I loved this book so much is, you are so immediately recognizable — your name, your face, your work. And I loved how this book, it talks about big things, certainly, but at the same time, there were all of these small, ordinary, everyday details about your life that I thought just added such dimension. I felt very grateful that you were sharing those things with us.

malala yousafzai

I think we see this perfect image of everybody on social media. Or the way people usually tell their story is, like, they somehow knew how to figure it all out. But I had to be very honest that I was actually very shy at school. I was so scared that I will never be able to make any friends. So in college, of course, I was there because I wanted to study at Oxford. But more than anything, I just wanted to make friends. I did not want to feel alone anymore.

anna martin

Before you went to college, when you were a teenager, it seemed to me, reading this book, that you had quite a serious life. You’re flying to speak with world leaders and be on panels. You’re doing public activism work. What was it like for you to be doing all of this stuff so young and so close to the attack? What was that like?

malala yousafzai

When I look back, I feel very different because now, I see how I had somehow accepted the global recognition I was given, and I felt like people were defining me when I was still in a coma. They were calling me brave, courageous. An activist speaks truth to power — all of that. And I was like, wow, I’m 15. I have to start my school again and figure out my life —

anna martin

In the UK.

malala yousafzai

— in a new country, in the UK. So much to process, yet this is now the mission of my life. Somehow, I was forcing myself to accept that. In school, I had literally no friends. I only made one best friend by the end of my school time. I would still talk to my old friends from Pakistan, have those long calls with them. And the rest of my time, I was either with the family at home, or I would be traveling, doing speeches and conferences. So my exposure was very limited. Actually, I had not seen boys my age.

anna martin

Because you went to an all girls’ school?

malala yousafzai

I went to an all girls’ school. And it was just older people.

anna martin

They weren’t so amazing at age 15. I’ll just share that as someone who was around those.

malala yousafzai

I know.

anna martin

[LAUGHS]:

malala yousafzai

I found out when I went to university.

anna martin

You found out. You were like, OK, I wasn’t missing anything. Yeah.

malala yousafzai

No. I was like, oh, I’m glad I saw it. And now I know. But —

anna martin

They smell kind of weird, don’t you think?

malala yousafzai

A lot of things. I think that could be a different podcast for us. But it was just this feeling that I was not living the life a child should be living at age 15. So at college, like, much later, when I was not being watched by my parents, when I felt I could be myself, and there are not these work people after me asking me to do this and that, and I thought I had just more control over my life, that’s when I was like, OK, I’m going to just hang out, do these crazy things. Somebody wants me to climb the rooftop, I will. Late night parties?

anna martin

We’re going to get to that. We’re going to get to that.

malala yousafzai

I will.

anna martin

Oh!

malala yousafzai

Yeah, I think that’s — I thought that college would be just this limited time of my life where I get to do anything I want. And then after that, maybe I’ll just go back to the old serious life.