Possibly the most frustrated I ever got during my pregnancy was when I read a tip in a baby-advice book that said something like, “Swap child care with one of your friends—it takes a village!” At the time, I lived an hour from most of my friends, almost none of whom had kids. I didn’t have a village, but now I had another thing to feel bad about.
No one knows where the adage “It takes a village” came from exactly. Though it was popularized by Hillary Clinton’s 1996 book of the same name, an NPR investigation suggested that it might be “some sort of pseudo-African mix of Hallmark and folk sentiments.” But the proverb is now ubiquitous, along with its equally grating corollary, “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.” To name just one example, the American Academy of Pediatrics’ baby bible, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, asserts “Family and friends can be helpful; don’t be bashful about asking for assistance” and “Try to create a ‘village’ around you.”
A few “villagers” did come through for me after my son was born: A friend with a slightly older child lent me baby gear, several people visited me during my maternity leave, and a neighbor who was busy with her own kids selflessly offered to watch mine if I ever needed her to.
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