How Reformer Pilates is testing my view of strength as a man

In The National's new series, Out of My Comfort Zone, writers explore ways in which they've pushed themselves, be it mentally, emotionally or physically, and reflect on what the experience has taught them

I discovered a new kind of pain recently, from muscles under my muscles that I didn’t know existed – or at least that's what it felt like after I tried Reformer Pilates for the first time four months ago. The soreness can be described as more widespread and dispersed evenly across, and under, sheets of muscle and fascia, all the way to the tips of tendons meeting bone.

With weightlifting muscle pain, you feel the aches of progress concentrated in the particular muscle group you targeted. With Pilates, it was equal everywhere, evoking the feeling of relaxed exhaustion that urges you to stretch and then take a nap. Similar to the effect of a muscle-kneading deep tissue massage.

Yet the mechanism of Reformer Pilates was more complex. You first get into the wooden and metal device, seemingly like how Ellen Ripley in the 1986 movie classic Aliens wore an industrial power loader like a suit of armour to defeat the Xenomorph Queen. Then you have to push away from the springs holding you down like weighted pulleys and elongate your arm or leg, all while keeping your back upright, shoulders back, and face looking forwards to extend your body.

While form and core muscles are critical in proper weightlifting, I've never had to rely on them fully, and the result was a lot of wobbling and uncontrollable shaking as I attempted to make a graceful movement.