The crisis point came with the sea moss. Or perhaps the hemp protein powder? Certainly, when I started adding goose-poo-coloured dust to my breakfast, the unease I have been feeling around food culture deepened. Turning an already drab meal (plain vegan yoghurt, enough seeds to kill a gerbil) into what looked, and tasted, like mud felt more like self-harm than self-care. But, no, what pushed me over the edge was the tiny Β£2 Marks & Spencer sea moss shot. Sorry, not just sea moss: β€œHigh-quality red algae sea moss … high in iodine, vitamins C, B1, B6 and B12.” It was blue and tasted awful, with hints of bubble bath.

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