When Katherine was pregnant this past summer, several people started to touch her growing belly without asking permission. At medical appointments and in the labor, delivery and recovery rooms, health professionals called her “mama” rather than by her name.
Looking back, she sees those moments as the first signs of some people disregarding her identity and agency. They were overlooking the woman I’ve known my whole life: an amazing friend, wife and sibling who is a hard worker, beautiful singer and theater fanatic.
The disheartening shift has continued since Katherine, whose name CNN agreed to change to protect her privacy, gave birth to her daughter. “I’ve expressed to my husband feeling like my value is different after having a baby,” she said. “You’re almost pushed to the background. My daughter is adorable, and I want everyone to love her. But at the same time, you go through nine months of carrying her and, in a way, suffering and all this pain during labor, and then it’s all about the baby.”
Some people have even flat out told Katherine, “It’s not about you anymore.” And during visits, some people have failed to help with chores or other postpartum needs because they were too preoccupied with fawning over her daughter.
“It makes you feel like, ‘Dang, what am I even here for? I’m just a sack of flesh that pushes out babies for you to enjoy,’” she said. “I’m not even of any worth or value to you anymore, for you to even stop and say, ‘Hello, how are you doing?’ and then hold the baby.”
Being devalued after childbirth seems to be a near-universal experience for new parents, but especially mothers. This erasure is rampant on social media, too, where videos meant to be funny show aunts and grandparents bulldozing past new parents to get to the baby, or hanging up video calls when they answer and see the child isn’t on t
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