The Guardian Footballer of the Year Jess Carter: ‘I remember not wanting to go out’

The Guardian Footballer of the Year is an award given to a player who has done something remarkable, whether by overcoming adversity, helping others or setting a sporting example by acting with exceptional honesty.

Jess Carter has spent her life grappling with when to hold back and when to speak up; wrestling with being naturally herself, embodying the characteristics her parents instilled in her of being open, honest, vocal and confident, and subduing herself because, while society values those traits, in a black woman they can be viewed negatively.

Racist stereotypes of black women as aggressive, confrontational, loud, ill-tempered, overbearing and more, mean that black women walk a tightrope of acceptability, where one wobble can bring them down in horrific and unreasonable ways.

“It makes it really difficult to speak up on different things,” says Carter, the Guardian’s footballer of the year after she publicly confronted racist abuse and went on to win a second European Championship and first National Women’s Soccer League title. “There’s a lot of things I’d like to say or do, and I maybe would if I didn’t have that pressure either as a black woman or as an England athlete, but we have to always act the right way, behave a certain way. I used to find it tough when I was a bit younger. I like directness so I used to be direct too.”

When Carter spoke out during the Euros about racist abuse aimed at her on social media it wasn’t calculated. She had tried to bury her voice, again, to “stay in the bubble”. Except the bubble had been pierced.

Carter was first targeted when she had a tough time in England’s opening game, a 2-1 defeat by France. She, like every Lioness, struggled. Shortly after the game, Carter was sitting with her family and was in her Instagram direct messages.