Are You Venting Or Complaining? Therapists Say The Difference Matters.

LOADING ERROR LOADING

When your partner frustrates you or your mom is on your last nerve, it’s natural to call a friend or talk about your feelings at the next wine night. But not all emotional unloading is created equal.

“Although they seem similar on the surface, venting and complaining are actually distinct phenomena that lead to different outcomes for your mental health,” Natalie Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist, told HuffPost.

Advertisement

So what exactly is the difference? And when does talking to friends about your feelings about a person or situation go from a healthy outlet to an unproductive cycle of negativity?

Below, Moore and other relationship experts break it down.

What is venting?

“I think of venting as letting off steam about the annoying habits or behaviors that are inevitable in a relationship,” said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. “And more often than not it’s helpful to have a friend who listens, validates and just understands why you feel the way you do ― without judgment.”

Having a little vent session with a close friend can be a healthy way to engage with something that’s bothering you.

Advertisement

“Venting typically involves expressing emotions and frustrations in a way that seeks understanding or relief,” said relationship therapist Joy Berkheimer. “It allows for an honest exploration of feelings and can facilitate personal insight or clarity when approached constructively. Essentially, venting can be a form of processing, providing a necessary outlet for emotional burdens.”

It feels good to get something off your chest and discuss how it’s been affecting you.

“Venting often sounds like, ‘I just need to talk this through ― I had a moment, and I need someone to hear me out,’” said Sanah Kotadia, a licensed professional counselor with Balanced Minds Therapy.